


Tumblr Prompts celebration

by Hestia



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Each story is completed, Fluff, Funny, Hurt/Comfort, I haven't decided what to write for the other prompts yet, M/M, More Chapters to Be Added, Tumblr Prompt, mistletoe mishaps, soft, tags to be added with new chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27883948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hestia/pseuds/Hestia
Summary: Prompt 1: The Butt of the Joke (Eskel/Geralt/Jaskier)Prompt 2: Twas the Ignight Before Christmas (Geralt/Jaskier)Prompt 3: Cold You Feel the Love Tonight? (Eskel/Geralt/Jaskier)Prompt 4: TBAPrompt 5: TBAPrompt 6: TBAPrompt 7: TBA
Relationships: Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. The Butt of the Joke

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first prompt of my 1000 followers celebration.
> 
> The prompt sent to me by tee-aitch-official was: "So I was thinking some G/E/J where they get up to some sort of shenanigans, preferably when two team up on one. But your real challenge is to incorporate the word monsterbutt into it."
> 
> I didn't quite got the two team up on one but I saw Monsterbutt and run with it way too far. This is an extremely stupid and soft answer to this prompt.

“A monsterbutt?”  
“A monster’s butt,” Jaskier says nodding again very seriously.  
“A… monster’s… butt…” Eskel repeats slowly.  
“For the fifth time, yes, the BUTT OF A MONSTER.” Jaskier answers, exasperated.  
“Why a monster’s butt?”  
“I don’t know Eskel, I'm not in Yennefer’s head!”  
“Hum…”

Jaskier pushes off the table he was resting against and starts pacing in the room. On the bed, Eskel scratches at his scars, perplexed, his shoulder brushing lightly against Geralt's arm when he moves to sit more comfortably at the edge.

“Do you-” Geralt catches his hand to stop him from scratching “-know if she needs a specific kind of butt?” Eskel doesn’t recall ever asking something this ridiculous.  
“I…” Jaskier stops pacing and turns towards them. “Well, she just screamed a lot of things at me, so maybe? I don’t know, I was mainly trying to avoid the stuff she was throwing at me. All I heard really was ’I need monster butt’ while I was running away.  
“Maybe you could go back and ask, so we get the right one?” Geralt proposes hopefully, letting go of Eskel’s hand and getting up to find a clean shirt to put on.  
“I have another proposition. Since you and your big… Well everything, were the reason Yennefer’s dresses got all stretched AGAIN last night, YOU go ask her how to redeem yourself while I go back to bed and Eskel makes it up to me for making me go see how mad she was this morning all by myself.”  
“Sounds good,” Eskel says, catching Jaskier by the hand and making him fall forward, catching Jaskier gently before quickly rolling them both on the bed, pinning Jaskier under him.  
“Oh hello there,” Jaskier says quietly with a playful smile, looking up at two beautiful amber eyes. His hand immediately go under Eskel’s shirt, to stroke his flanks gently.  
“Sorry for asking you, that was cruel,” Eskel says, before lowering himself to put a kiss on the side of his nose, then finding Jaskier’s throat to give him gentle kisses that send a shiver of pleasure all along the bard’s spine.  
“It was very cruel. Indeed I’m going to need lots of those kisses to feel better.”  
Eskel chuckles but obliges.

The spell breaks when a pillow comes to hit them both in the face. Eskel let his arms go and flop against Jaskier's side, burying his face in his neck, his arm possessively around Jaskier’s side.  
“Focus!” Geralt growls, not very mad but getting a little distracted himself by the sight of Eskel and Jaskier together on their bed. “We need to figure this out,” he says, putting his shirt on.  
“Oh, WE do, do we? Why do I get included in this when I wasn’t even there in the first place?” Jaskier says incredulously.  
“It’s not our fault you passed out before we decided to try that again.”  
Eskel mumbles something against Jaskier’s throat.  
“What’s that love?”  
“I said,” Eskel raises his head just enough to speak “You would have looked damn good in a dress.”  
“I look good in everything, but I appreciate the compliment,” he answers, planting a kiss on top of Eskel’s hair. His fingers come up automatically to start stroking his head and Eskel answers with an appreciative little sound that makes Geralt wonder why he’s up and wearing clothes anyway?  
“Why do Lambert get to be excluded from this ridiculous conversation again? Seems unfair, mainly to me”, Jaskier says dramatically.  
“We’ll get him once we decide what to do, get dressed Eskel.” Geralt answers, shoving at Eskel’s legs a little to make him move away from Jaskier, which he does reluctantly.  
“We should go before Yen gets really mad.”  
“But what are we going to hunt exactly?”  
“I don’t know! I heard Vesemir say there’s a couple of young forktails up in the mountains.”  
“Lambert’ll never trek the mountain for half a day by this temperature just to bring back a dead forktail for Yennefer to dissect or whatever she’ll do with it”, Eskel answers, with a snort while putting on his clothes.  
“Do you need an entire forktail? I mean maybe just the… er… rear area would be enough?” Jaskier asks, sitting up.  
“You know I might be mountain folk, but I don’t fancy going up the mountain by this weather either.”  
“We could go to the mines?” Suggest Geralt.  
“Do Kikimores even have butts?”  
“I don’t know I’m not a butt monster specialist Eskel, you’re the one who likes to study anatomy!” Geralt answers, getting more and more frustrated.  
“Alright, alright! Don’t be grumpy!” Eskel answers, putting a light leather chest plate on top of a heavy chemise. “Tell you what, we’ll go to the stream down south. I’m sure we can find a couple of drowners there. It’ll be easy. They have human-shaped bottoms and they aren’t too heavy to carry.”  
“Hate hunting drowners,” Geralt mumbles irritably, putting on his armour.  
“I know,” Eskel says, giving Geralt just a small peck on the lips, amused  
“Haven’t even got breakfast yet”, Geral grumble.  
“Come on, we’ll eat on the way,” Eskel says, grabbing both their swords and tugging at Geralt’s sleeve with his other hand. Geralt goes unwillingly.  
Jaskier smiles at his Witchers and decides to just go back to sleep. The bed is still a little warm from the night before and smells like all three of them, it’s lovely.

Two hours later he’s startled awake when frigid water comes splashing down on him, dripping from a very soaked, very grumpy Geralt, looking at him from above and smelling strongly of rotten fish.  
“Monster bile Jaskier. She needed monster bile!”


	2. Twas the Ignight Before Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prompt was "Geralt and Jaskier find themselves somehow under some mistletoe :)"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks elliestormfound on tumblr for sending it!  
> Thanks to planetesastraea for the title!

“I can’t believe I’ve let you dragged me into one of those fucking balls again Jaskier!” Geralt says, tugging at his doublet when it rides up. Where did Jaskier find it, it’s way too tight?  
“Oh, shush, you owe me.”  
“I really don’t.”  
“You do! I saved you from these grumpy townfolks three days ago!”  
“I saved YOU from an angry mob when YOU started a bar fight when the innkeeper wouldn’t let me in!”  
“Oh pish posh, don’t be so literal Geralt!” Jaskier answers, dismissively, not even paying attention to the Witcher but rather the lovely young lady currently engaged with an equally attractive young lad. Geralt just rolls his eyes and tugs at his doublet again.  
“I’m going to smother you in your sleep, and I promise you it will be literal.”  
“Sure, sounds lovely,” Jaskier answers, now looking at an opulent brown haired lady who winks at him. “Oi! What the hell Geralt!” he yelps when Geralt punches him in the arm.  
“Stop making faces at married women and go play something so we can leave soon.”  
“I can’t just start singing. I need an entrance! You have no sense of showmanship Geralt”, Jaskier says, walking backwards into the crowd, “you’re so simple, but that’s what I like about you!” he continues, a little louder, before turning around. “Ladies and gentle folks gather around! Gather around! My name is Jaskier, and I have a tale or two to sing to you for these fine Yuletide celebrations!”  
Geralt watches Jaskier disappear into the crowd and decides to look for some food, hopefully far enough from people so he can enjoy the music but doesn’t have to talk to anybody. He settles in a corner out of the way and waits for the evening to pass.

An hour in, he’s popping some grapes into his mouth when he notices it. Jaskier has found some company to feed him some fruits and ale while he takes his first break to rest his voice a little before he continues what promises to be a very long night of singing and celebrating. It’s subtle, but if you watch closely enough, Jaskier is slowly but surely pushing the young man he’s with under a mistletoe branch. There’s several hanging low from the rafters all around the great hall where the party is held. It’s tradition to kiss under the mistletoe in Skellige during Yuletide. The collar of the doublet Jaskier forced him into scratches at his throat, reminding Geralt how much he would prefer to be in a comfortable bed or even an uncomfortable one than be here when an idea pops into his mind.

Jaskier nearly gets what he wants, but right before he manages to manoeuvre the lad under the mistletoe, the branch combusts with no warning.  
Servants are immediately on them, making sure neither of them is injured. The Lady of the house profusely apologises, especially to Jaskier, he’s quite well-known by now, and chastises the servants for putting mistletoe so close to the candles. The young man is clearly not in the mood for kissing anymore. So Jaskier tells the Lady to not worry for the mishap and pushes the incident from everybody’s mind by getting back into his songs.

During his second break, Geralt spots Jaskier again, happily chatting with two beautiful ladies this time. He nearly gets both of them under the mistletoe; he’s so close. Sadly, the branch catches on fire out of nowhere again. A servant catches the branch and stomps on it before anybody has time to see it, fortunately. The ladies are a little startled by the servant's sudden outburst, and Jaskier leads them away with a flirty remark and a bright smile. While the ladies are distracted, he turns around, finds Geralt and gives him a suspicious look. The Witcher only answers with a one-sided grin and takes a sip of ale. Geralt can’t hear, but he sees the huff of frustration coming from Jaskier. Again the bard is forced to abandon his conquests to sing for a final hour that night.

Well into the night, once Jaskier’s set is finally over, Geralt spots Jaskier with the lovely voluptuous woman who kept making eyes at him all night. There are also two very jumpy servants walking close by the bard but not directly in his way with, what Geralt thinks, might be a glass of water each, which makes him chuckle a little.  
Jaskier manoeuvres the lady under the mistletoe again, the servants come closer. And before making a move to kiss her, Jaskier’s eyes fall on Geralt across the room, clearly saying “I dare you”. Geralt replies with a shit-eating grin and a flick of his fingers. He has to admit, those servants are very quick and discreet with the water!  
“Lady Mathilde, my deepest apologies but I seem to have forgotten that I had an affair to resolve rather urgently. I’m so sorry to leave you, my dear, but the matter cannot wait.”  
“Well that’s too bad, but I’m here until the morning if you need some company later,” she answers, eyes dark and appreciative of the bard in front of her. 

Jaskier assures her he won’t forget and leaves her company, stomping towards Geralt, who turns around towards an open window to a balcony above the gardens. He doesn’t step out of the room. Instead, he just stays in the doorway.  
“What the hell is your problem!” Jaskier hisses at him.  
“Hum… no having a good night are we?” Geralt turns his head to the side a little.  
“You know damn well how my night has been going!” Jaskier comes close, too close, right in his personal space like he always does when he’s angry. “Are you going to burn that branch too?” He says, pointing at the branch of mistletoe hanging by the door, right above them.  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about”, Geralt answers calmly.  
“You know they say it’s bad luck to not receive a kiss on Yule night and that’s at least three you took from me! Seven years of bad luck, in fact! And if you think I’m going to suffer those seven years alone, you’re dead mistaken you stubborn pr…”

Geralt puts his hand on Jaskier’s cheek, the other around his waist and kisses Jaskier with no warning, and any thought Jaskier has ever had in his entire life suddenly leaves his body. 

After a second, when he realises what’s happening, he closes his eyes, both hands coming to rest on Geralt’s waist too. His fingers dig into his sides a little too hard but Geralt doesn’t mind Jaskier being a little possessive. Jaskier always thought Geralt would be forceful and dominant, but the kiss is sweet and soft, almost shy. Geralt clearly knows very well what he’s doing, and Jaskier is left floating in the air for a second.

When Geralt breaks away, he still gives a second, very small and swift peck on his lip and Jaskier opens his eyes slowly, breathless. Geralt doesn’t push away too far, they are almost the same height, but the difference in their position is enough for Jaskier to be looking up at him just a little.  
“Seven years of bad luck, can’t have that,” Geralt whispers, his eyes closing again, the tip of his nose slowly caressing Jaskier’s cheek, being allowed for the first time to truly enjoy Jaskier’s scent.  
“Right can’t…” Their bodies are flushed together and Jaskier shivers a little and closes his eyes to try to get himself under control. He swallows hard and when he opens his eyes again, Geralt still hasn’t let go of him, a thumb gently stroking his cheek while his nose is still exploring his other side “... can’t have that, no.” He shivers again. “Maybe we could…. Gods'' he interrupts himself when Geralt kisses the corner of his lips. “Maybe… maybe we could do that again. Just… just to make sure. Seven years is quite a… quite a long time.” Jaskier whispers breathlessly. Geralt pushes his face away just a little, his lips barely above Jaskier’s, enough for them to share a breath, eyes locked together.  
“Sure” he answers, with amusement in his voice, “just to make sure” and kisses Jaskier again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear they won't all be cracky answers!  
> The next one is more cute than anything else


	3. Cold You Feel The Love Tonight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Prompt was "Geralt/Jaskier/Eskel - fluff / hurt/comfort please - Jaskier gets hurt somehow, Geralt & Eskel take care of him - you can decide on details :)" sent by angel-pie-jaskier-lark on tumblr.
> 
> Thanks Simeramise for the title!

“Ar-r-r-re w-e-e-e-e close… clos-s-s-s-se ye-e-e-et?” Jaskier stutters, burying a little bit more against Eskel’s front. Eskel tries to readjust his cape around Jaskier as best he can with only one hand free, the other holding on to the reins.  
“The cave is a bit further ahead.”  
“I’m so-o-o-o co-o-old”. Jaskier’s teeth clatter too loud for Eskel’s sensitive ears.  
“I know”, he says, kissing the top of Jaskier’s head. “You need to hold on just a little bit more, sweets.”  
Jaskier doesn’t answer but shivers violently. Eskel tries his best to lead Scorpion as safely and quickly as he can to get Jaskier somewhere comfortable, but the sun has almost completely set by now and the path is narrow. Geralt rode ahead of them, to clear the cave they passed by that afternoon. Jaskier’s head falls slightly forward and to the side and Eskel holds onto him a little tighter.  
“Stay awake, Jask.”  
“‘M tired.”  
“I know, but you can’t sleep right now, we need to get you warm first.”  
“Sounds nice”, Jaskier replies sleepily.  
“Come on, I can smell a fire, we aren’t far.” Eskel pushes Scorpion to just go a little faster. It’s not safe but Jaskier won’t last a lot longer like this.

Finally, Eskel sees the light of the fire and exhales loudly, relieved to finally find safety for his bard. The cave isn’t a cave per se. It’s more of a deep nook in a cliff, but it’s dry and protected from the wind and the cold rain. It’s not ideal, but it’ll be much better than sleeping on the humid ground. Eskel dismounts first then helps Jaskier get off the horse. A small fire is already going, and clothes have been laid around it, just close enough to make them warm. Geralt and Jaskier’s bedrolls have already been pushed side by side on the ground as well. As soon as Jaskier is off Scorpion’s back, Geralt emerges from the forest with an armful of wood, hopefully dry enough to last them the night.

“The wood’s clear”, he says immediately, dumps the woods and goes to them. Eskel pushes Jaskier towards him a little, enough for Geralt to grab him close and start rubbing his arms up and down.  
“How are you feeling?” he asks gently.  
“So-o-o-o co-o-o-old", Jaskier answers, trying very hard to keep his teeth from clattering and shivering.  
“I know, let’s get you out of these wet clothes.”  
“Oh Geralt if I kn-e-e-e-e-ew you wanted me naked I’d… would have fall… fallen into a frig-i-i-id river so-o-n-n-n-er”, Jaskier answers with a chuckle and a wink, shivering uncontrollably. Eskel snorts and leads Scorpion away, to secure him for the night and get the rest of their stuff to the little fire camp.  
“You’re such an idiot sometimes”, Geralt answers with a fond eye-roll.  
“But you love me anyway”, Jaskier grins at him, and Geralt takes his hand to lead him to the fire.

They go in stages. As soon as his soaked doublet and shirt come off, Geralt dries him off with warm rags he’s put near the fire and wrestles him quickly into a warm shirt and gambeson. By the time his boots, pants and underthings are off, Eskel is back by their side, putting his own bedroll next to theirs. When he’s settled, Eskel comes to help dry Jaskier’s hair as best they can then leads him to the bedrolls. Jaskier goes down, immediately going under the blanket and grabbing at the nearest Witcher he can find. Eskel joins him easily enough and Geralt is not far behind, joining them as soon as he’s done laying out all of Jaskier’s wet stuff. Eskel rearranges the blanket on top of all three of them, while Jaskier presses his back to Geralt’s front. Geralt throws an arm around his middle and kisses Jaskier behind the ear, where he knows it will earn him a little appreciative noise he loves. Even in warm clothes and between his two big Witchers, Jaskier is still quite cold and keeps on shivering.  
“Try to relax”, Geralt says. “You’ll shiver less if you do and your teeth will stop clattering.”  
“That doesn’t sound right”, Jaskier responds dubiously.  
“Try anyway“, Geralt whispers in his ear, breath hot on his skin and a very different kind of shiver seizes Jaskier’s entire body. 

But Geralt is right, of course. After a while, the shivers stop coming, and Jaskier starts to feel better and a little tired again. It’s nice being surrounded by his lovers heat and smell, wearing their clothes. Jaskier his pretty sure the pants are Geralt’s. They are quite narrow at the waist so definitely not Eskel’s. The smallclothes and one of the two pair of socks he’s wearing feel like they are his, but the shirt is a little rougher than what he’s used to. It’s quite big in the shoulders, and it’s either dark red or black, Jaskier can’t quite tell in the low light. It’s probably Eskel’s shirt, but it smells like Geralt. Geralt must have grabbed whatever he could find in Roach saddlebags. It’s quite late in the year, and the three of them have been travelling together since mid-summer, so most of their stuff is mixed together by now. The gambeson is definitively Geralt's, it’s the warmest he has, and he was wearing it that morning. Jaskier has a pang of love when he realises Geralt must have changed into something thinner just so Jaskier could wear the warmest top they own.

“How are you feeling?” Eskel asks quietly when Jaskier’s scent turns a lot less miserable and a lot more content.  
“I’m much better. But my hands and feet hurt a little still.”  
Eskel grabs one of Jaskier’s knees under the blanket, inviting him to slide his legs up so his feet can come rest between Eskel’s parted legs. Next, he takes Jaskier’s hands in his and starts massaging every finger and blowing hot air on them. Geralt presses a kiss on his neck and Jaskier sighs contentedly.  
“Thank you-”, he says after a little while when his fingers are warm and tingly. Eskel doesn’t release them, but instead, he presses them lightly against his chest, his thumb gently stroking small circles. “-For taking care of me tonight. And for…” Jaskier hesitates a second. He takes one of his hands away to link his fingers with Geralt’s on his waist and the other comes to stroke Eskel’s cheek. One of Eskel’s hands finds both of theirs as well. “And for making me feel happy and loved even when you have to fish me out of a stupidly cold river. I love you, both so much” he adds quietly.  
Eskel kisses the inside of the hand Jaskier has on his cheek and shuffles closer, putting Jaskier’s hand on his chest again.  
“Love you too, sweets”, he answers, content.  
Geralt doesn’t reply, but Jaskier doesn’t need him to, the small smile he can feel at the back of his neck is loud enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I absolutely need to make puns/jokes with every title in this series.  
> Please enjoy my terrible humour. My friend had to suffer terrible ice-related puns on discord.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: Geralt being grumpy about fighting Drowners is directly inspired by me going NOT AGAIN any time I have to fight some in the games. I played all 3 games back to back and there's just SO MANY!  
> Next one is a Geralt/Jaskier


End file.
